We were just about to head into my hospital room post op…..but I have to pause for a bit. I was on a roll wasn’t I? Writing for a few days in a row. It felt great it really did. But then I went into myself for a bit.
On Monday I had my first Post-Op Doctor’s appt. First up: checking out my incision. It is healing so nicely! It was glued…..pretty far out I think. I left it alone as it started to peel, but Doctor Iannotti went right ahead and peeled away. Wow, not bad! Not half as scary as it used to look. So glad I took a pic (Don’t worry, I’ll spare you) a few weeks ago. I will want to look back and remember how dark and dramatic it looked. After my check up, Toni, Dr. I’s Nurse, went to get my Mom and we sat in his office.
“Well, it was a clean removal. Looks like we got all of the cancer. The mass was much larger than expected.” Basically a grapefruit rather than an orange (10cm to be precise). Shit that’s big. And to think I never felt it. I asked Dr. I what stage of cancer and he replied with 3. Gulp. Anything above a 2 just makes one take pause….. He told me he wants me to see an Oncologist and recommended Dr. Anthony Mega who is located at Miriam. I’m happy he is located close by in a now familiar place. “I don’t think Dr. M will prescribe chemo/radiation. However, if he does it will probably be a light dose.” Basically we don’t know. I cannot speculate. Just have to wait.
I left the appointment filled with emotion. Yes, it was pretty positive and yes, I am glad I will now have an Ocologist on my team. It all makes it more real now though. I’ve been recovering at home and trying hard to stay positive and just focus on my day to day health and recovery. But on Monday I really started to allow myself to think about chemo and radiation. Will I need it? If so, will I have crappy side effects? Will I be nauseous? Will my hair fall out? Will I be able to go to work everyday? I thought about my mortality. Certainly having Stage 3 Kidney Cancer statistically lowers survival rate. Lots of stuff swirling in my head. The good thing is my Oncology appt. is Monday. Between then and now, my days are filled with company. So no time to stress about something I have no control over.
Nothing I can do right now. No more living in my head. No more imagining the worse. I’m gonna keep kicking Cancer’s ASS and keep the faith.